Holding Sand with Strong Yet Soft Hands: A Crypto Warrior’s Fight for Financial Freedom TPS-0063

Date: 2023-06-16

Tags: crypto, water, market, trade, fool, money, trading, game, sell, financial, tech, ethical, bubble, traders, freedom, desert, work, trades, theory, scheme, plants, math, healthy, food, edge, dream, bros, worth, war, trees, supply, regulatory, regulators




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Revised Transcript:


I have a very much love/hate relationship with the crypto currency blockchain market, not so much community, but the state of affairs.

I've been going through several stages of internal reckoning and I've come to a pretty decisive place.

I’m questioning my own, what they call a bag holder bias.

It’s obvious that regulatory overreach is killing crypto. I just have to ask myself, who am I really aligning myself with now be becoming myself a volunteer lobbyist?

What are my perverse incentives? If I'm trying not to have blood on my hands from all the things that I'm trying to walk away and have a new ethical stance...sleep better at night because I participate less and less with things that I disagree with…

Yet in the ethical dance of the nuance of greening the Blockchain space and greening crypto currencies and moving towards more forward thinking and more humanitarian projects, having my investment portfolio reflect my ethics and my values and, and the trades that I've made actually be continually trading out of the less ethical crypto currencies.

What I have found to be the more ethical currencies, that pattern has been preserved. And I feel good about that, I've been vocal about.

In past projects, and this project, I've mentioned it briefly here and there, but it's worth noting that it was this ethical maneuvering and this ethical trading that established me where I'm at now, living off grid, off road.

Having a bit of a growing bonsai permaculture food forest oasis in the desert and doing it in such a way where I didn't “dump on retail” the way that VC firms would dump on retail as soon as they're legal or handshake basis “lockup period” expired.

In other words, for people who are not steeped in this kind of Silicon Valley language, the concept is called the Greater Fool Theory, the idea that it's not necessarily a Ponzi scheme, but it is more like an MLM, or more like a pyramid.

You could say that about any stock. You could say it about the US Dollar, any fiat currency.

It only perpetuates itself so long as there's new money coming into it.

In a population pyramid. It only doesn't collapse if people are reproducing at a steady, if not increasing rate, otherwise you end up with a bureaucracy and a population in decline because there's not enough young people to sustain the marketplace and to sustain the workforce.

Then, as people age and retire, they become a burden on the financial system. They become a burden on the infrastructure, and yet they're less productive, and now they're cashing in on all their benefits, and you have a very unstable demographic and unstable economy.

So I say that because now the more I learn about how these macro economic cycles work, the more I realize that it's all just fractals of unsustainable math and unsustainable rug pulls.

Exploitation by the hyper technically mathematically intelligent and somewhat sociopathic, just always having an edge and an advantage over the average IQ, heart of gold working class masses. Maybe there's some working class Joe Six Packs in disguise, who are actual mathematician geniuses who could game the stock market and become a fin tech bro and take us all for a ride and swindle us all in a Ponzi scheme or pyramid scheme or something.

Maybe there's a few out there. But what I realized more than ever is just that most of us are being puppeteered by people who count on the fact that most of us will never be able to intellectually comprehend what's happening behind that Wizard of Oz curtain.

Those that possibly could will just probably never get off the hamster wheel or get out of the rat race for enough time, or it just wasn't their calling, even if they had the capacity for it.

Maybe they did something more in the liberal arts, and they weren't so interested in going to business school or whatever.

What is math and computer science? Data science, algorithms, math for computer programming, business markets, financial markets, financial theory, game theory, cryptography. I'm going back and studying all these things now, because I owe my micro fortune to the better angels of the nature of those cryptographers, the cipher punks, the crypto anarchists who were the Robin Hood fin tech bros.

I'm just trying to explore this moment that we're in and how I am tactically approaching it and strategically approaching it for the survival of my permaculture project.

Today I had to rip out two of the three trees that I planted because the level of austerity that I'm in and this bare market has literally caused massive drying of the water flows into the southwest.

And I've had to reduce the footprint of my already miniaturized food forest down to the last survivors.

It's very sad. I have death and sacrifice on my hands, horticulturally speaking, as a result of this harsh bear market, instigated by the demons of of the nature, of the tech bros, crypto bros.

It's very confusing and very love hate. Because whereas I have been liberated by those pure hearted, humanitarian and even ecologically minded Blockchain entrepreneurs, the Tech Bros with hearts of gold that liberated me, they gave me the freedom from the work week, the freedom from the city to buy my own land and to do permaculture off grid and off road and yet to have a lot of time, because of the extreme temperature in the desert, to be laid up and just be forced to do nothing else, really, other than study, and because I can't really move, other than to rotate bedsores, potential bedsores, and contort myself so that there aren't sections of my skin that are overlapping so that the moisture builds up and then leads to rotting in the flesh in these temperatures. Just trying to barely maintain a sub hyperthermic temperature. Staying in a heat exhaustion range, and avoiding a heat stroke status is what I've done during the summer months where I've done A lot of catching up on the technology stuff.

I'm about to enter that again. It's just starting to really phase in and it's harsh.

So I'm one of those crypto hoddlers who got stuck in between being a billionaire and being at a life changing net worth that was able to allow me to buy a very humble piece of land, not have the means to build on it, but at least have the means to survive.

There were times at the height of the bull market, where it was just shopping sprees upon shopping sprees, but very well designed so that I could pack truck loads and load up with the infrastructure that I would need.

Knowing that the market would crash at any time, and it would probably crash sooner rather than later, and I better have the tools, the equipment, the supplies.

So basically being the ant versus the grasshopper.

If the crypto bros talking about moon, lambo, meaning the prices are gonna sky rocket to the moon, and that's gonna give them the money to buy lambos, though they may not be able to afford to do the maintenance on them. And if they didn't buy it outright, they're gonna have to get it repoed.

Because they were the grasshoppers who died in the in the crypto winter.

I was the ant who said, in times of plenty, you do the work to store that away so that you can survive in an austere manner.

I learned from studying modern survivalism how to still be healthy and relatively happy with a very humble existence.

The crypto market cycles, I surfed them well since I got in in early 2017, and I made the best out of two bubbles for myself.

Life has only gotten better. I imagine that if I continue and ride the patterns, it will only continue to get better.

But that's really only because I'm adapted to extreme poverty. I'm adapted to flourish in extreme poverty. A lot of people say that about going to the Third World.

Well, the people are so happy and mentally healthy because their basic needs are met.

They have enough free time to celebrate life and celebrate each other, and have traditions, and have have rich culture around their culinary life and their spiritual life, and dance and music and song.

Even if they're playing pots and pans, they're alive. And they're not letting a lack of modernization get in the way of a good time and a good life.

It usually ends up being the opposite, they would become neurotic, and they would become conniving, and they would be backstabbing.

There's this parable about the humble fisherman, maybe a beach in Mexico, is the setting, or beach in South America, where the entrepreneur comes up to the humble fisherman on the beach and tries to pitch them some kind of scheme about how they could lever up and and take out loans and maximize their yield and go into to debt to work more, and they could just moonlight and work harder and hire people.

And at the end, there's several iterations of it, and it arrives back to the entrepreneur finally saying, could you imagine that after 20 years of ratcheting up and leveraging up this business, you'd have the freedom to be able to sit back and just enjoy your leisure time and fish with a fishing pole and feed your family and hang out with your wife and kids.

And he's like, that's what I'm doing now.

I know I'm skipping a few parts, but the punch line is that the freedom that you will eventually get, no matter how much of a miser you become, you'll probably become so toxic to yourself and others that there will be no authentic life left to live.

If you don't lose your fortune to lawsuits or your therapist, or the market turning against you, whatever it might be, you will have not lived life, and you have only spent all that time driving yourself crazy and other people crazy and raping the Earth.

That's the point of that story.

But that's the basic point to where I'm at of appreciating that I was able to purchase freedom, even if it's a Fourth World freedom, because I really wouldn't have it any other way.

I said this before, too, how Kurt Kobain, before his tragic, untimely death, said that getting rich was actually, and I'm paraphrasing, but basically a curse, because it was no longer fun to go to the thrift store where you knew you could only afford to buy one thing.

So whatever you bought, you better really fall in love with it.

You would have to go through a process of hunting it down and a process of elimination so that you would really embrace it and appreciate it.

I feel like that's one of the most poignant things that I wanna keep with me, no matter what tax bracket I find myself in.

At this point, I was able to move through that bear market cycle like a warrior, knowing that it was an illusion, and that in order to be faithful to my ethics, I don't wanna try to time the top and sell the majority of my holdings when the price is going parabolic.

Even though that is the most self interested rational thing to do.

I didn't wanna do that for a few reasons, one of them being that you can't time the top.

This is not investment advice. It's just an emotional after action report of me validating the truism that the forces in your mind that will convince you, are the voices of greed, that say, if you just had a ten X, A hundred x, net worth increase because of a bubble and you happen to have been smart enough and lucky enough to be holding a position of an asset to where now if you, were to all sell it, probably not gonna move the market because there's enough liquidity, there's enough dumb money coming in and that everything is a pyramid scheme.

That greater fool theory, all the matters is that you're not the greatest fool.

Just like they say, you don't have to be the fastest person in your group, you just have to be faster than somebody. So that if a bear chases all of you, they get the slower person and not you.

That is a very down to earth permaculture kind of naturalistic way of breaking down the essence of that greater fool theory.

Musical chairs is another one that's used often.

The banksters and the high frequency traders, as of the 2008 financial crisis, they would say things like, when the music is playing, you have to dance.

Or you could translate to if you're playing a game of musical chairs, when the music is playing, you have to get up and walk around the chairs and play the game knowing that somebody's gonna lose, and you're just gonna hope that you've gotten knowledge. Or whatever it is, your edge, your circle within a circle is gonna give you the memo so that you get one of those chairs.

As long as you're not the greatest fool and a greater fool comes along after you, you're able to take your profits from being the lesser, not the greater fool.

As long as you are not being dumped on by the last person.

Everybody's a fool, it's just a matter of are you the lesser or the greater?

The way that it looks on the charts, looking at the charts, these are all things I've had to learn.

It was always sickening. When I first discovered that what this is all about is a zero sum game, where if you make money, someone else is losing money, that your winning trade, is someone else's losing trade.

You just wanna hope that they're professional traders that aren't betting the farm on their trade, and it's not their life savings, and that they're not someone who is dumb money coming in as the greater fool, who doesn't know how this system works, and doesn't know that everything is designed like gambling in Vegas.

All the slot machines, all of the tables, all of the arrangement everything.

It's scientifically designed to trick you into a state of suspended disbelief, where you just fork everything over and lose your mind.

I've been there. I've seen it, I see the people who are zombified, being catered to. And it is as close to the matrix battery machine landscape as you as you might get.

It's really depressing, demoralizing. And that's the stock markets. It's all gambling.

In the documentary called The Pit, their sentiment was that for those who would be disparaging of how gambling this financial ecosystem appears to be.

Just remember that if it weren't for us setting the prices of options trading, the prices of futures for commodities, if we weren't speculating on this and swapping contracts back and forth all day every day, you wouldn't have a stable price because there would be no price discovery.

Everything would be like the changing price of the gas pump, but worse, and people can't handle that, people don't appreciate that.

It is because of these traders, and yes, to some degree, high frequency and algo bot traders, even to this day, that are constantly in this tug of war with each other, with the Earth, with the regulators and the real puppeteers are the highest level math geniuses who can actually game it all and design it all.

And that's way beyond me. I'm just trying to scratch the surface for myself now that I have no excuse not to have a some understanding of just how manipulated everything is and how manipulated all of us are, and how few people within the 1 % of the 1 % of the 1 % actually can read the math formulas that are running all of this financial matrix infrastructure.

So yes, I'm cynical, but also I have to acknowledge that there is some logic and rhyme and reason to it.

Some of the regulators can seem to be like grandstanding buffoons at congressional hearings.

There are a number of them that I'm learning to respect, that are capable and competent and skilled and actually as intelligent and as highly trained as even the most savvy of the traders and the technologists and whatnot.

I had a dream recently. I'm not gonna go into details because I don't want anyone to think that I have any kind of market timing, nostradamus dream, life.

But it was just, hopefully something coming from my spirit guides.

But a dream where it was eerily fitting for the market events of the following morning, the following day.

I kind of brushed it off in the morning but then the dream came back to me later in the day as I was looking trying to clean up my portfolio and look at some staggered limit orders that I had on the books and whatnot, kind of expecting a recovery from recent regulatory black swan events that have happened to put it mildly put it gracefully.

But I was bullish still, I had orders on the books reflecting that then, after that dream, and after looking at my trees dying...because I'm a gardener…

...like a lot of people, their pets are gonna eat better and get better medical care and drink better and live more comfortably than their so called owners, because that's what you sign up for, and that's what love is all about.

I wanna be an operating from that level of abundance ecologically speaking, and not be thinking, oh, I can just push the edges of tolerability. That's okay for me to do it myself.

But something got into me very deeply when, after sying to myself, oh, I'm kind of spoiling these trees. But I'm also consolidating them and transplanting them. The walls are closing in in terms of the water supply that I have, it is not a good place to be in, asking too much of things to where they, they give up the ghost.

That's my wake up call that was deeply and unsettling.

They were only about a year and a half old, barely bigger than a five gallon pot which isn't even actually five gallons but they had been struggling.

I check them regularly, and I water them regularly. But now that two out of those three are gone, I have to ask myself, what did I do wrong?

Out of a sense of excessive frugality, I thought I was spoiling them, but I could have and should have spoiled them more.

It's upsetting and heartbreaking and makes, me wanna get out of this market timing mentality and just say no more being jerked around by regulators and speculators and ponzi schemers and just being in the state of suspense where, it was thrilling for a while, but now it's just nauseating, an incessant waiting on every bit of news and piping in all of this analysis and sentiment.

Crypto has grown up in a macro cycle bubble of the tech sector and now because that bubble’s collapsing, because of a lot of factors, including the pandemic and supply chain issues caused by the pandemic and obviously yhe war in Ukraine and de globalization, it's time for it to stand on its own.

So it's everybody's first rodeo. No one can say this is not their first rodeo, because this is the first crypto bear market where the macro economic conditions are as apocalyptic as they were in 2008.

And in fact, in many ways, much more, even if in different ways, because of the geopolitics.

Unfortunately the criminals, the grifters, those profiteering on the greater fool now, they're winning, they prevailed over those such as myself, who would like to play in the fantasy world.

Two years ago, tech entrepreneurs, startups, etc. were asking should I be pivoting into crypto?

Now those same people are saying, should I be pivoting into AI?

So the new shiny thing in Silicon Valley is no longer crypto, which now pales in comparison to AI as the new greater fool bubble to chase.

When you think about the mind numbing stupidity of what caused the bubble of crypto, compared to the stimulating and engaging and exciting limitless actual potential of what AI is already doing and delivering on, not just giving you empty white papers and fraudulent public offerings of unregistered securities.

It's really hard to defend crypto and it's really hard to defend the shadiness.

A lot of us, more virtuous or virtue signaling crypto folk have, we have tried say, oh, those are rotten apples, don't let them spoil the bunch.

There were all these talking points, sound bites. Every new technology is first adopted by the criminals because they're the ones who need it the most. They're the ones who aren't served by the legacy incumbent systems. So they have to be the pioneers of it. They have to go into that dark, unknown territory and explore, and then we bootstrap the real mass adoption based on them, having been the early adopters.

Then you hear about rogue nation missile program being funded by hacked crypto, and it's just getting harder and harder to defend it.

The bad apples are rotting and stinking.

Unlike the bad apples, I didn't dump it all on dumb money in the height bubble, I drip irrigated myself so that I could not sell it all off at once and maybe suffer a bit because of it.

But basically could do my part, to be a long term investor who doesn't rock the boat by dumping on retail so that people have a bad experience.

I wanna have a non zero sum game. I want the rising tide to float all boats and lift all ships, therefore I'm going to sell moderate amounts, no more than I need to bootstrap my own ecology, so that I can then reskill myself and give back to the ecosystem and continue to have less financial pressure to sell large amounts.

Therefore sponging up the supply, holding long term and creating a healthy, stable equilibrium.

Tighten that drum head by being resilient and having your own strong hands, whatever you wanna call it.

There are all kinds of mind hacks to survive this.

But the simplest way that I heard it put was trading around a core position.

To me, that was the most tactical thing. That was the commando, hodler of last resort, war against the future self commando concept.

The indoctrination from a military commander that I needed to hear was trade around a core position, like break contact if you are spotted by the enemy in your recon excursion behind enemy lines, have that strategy and those tactics already planned out in advance.

Do the table tops and know what you're gonna do when you're gonna do it.

Program that as much as you can into whatever trading platform you might be using.

But basically, don't get captured. Don't get tortured in this financial war.

Maybe a more permanent culture way to put it is to say design to constants. Water moves at right angle to contour, form follows function.

That's why we build swales so that we can slow sink and spread the most water that can accumulate on a property before it runs off.

Hopefully, in an engineering sense, have the water do as much duty as we can before it is beyond our reach. That goes for sunlight, that goes for water, that goes for nutrients from compost minerals, etc.

That's the name of the game in permaculture. So the idea is to not have the enemy eat your lunch in a day trade, or in a long term trade, whatever it might be.

I wanted to play as fair as I possibly could.

I've been averaging out, just trying to not sell more than I need to sell.

“Big trades kill” is another term. What does that tell you? Average in average out, scale in scale out. Just don't time the market. Those are all things that have been ingrained me, and I'm saying them to myself more than anything else.

I don't wanna have the counter party eat my lunch in a trade, because they're more intelligent or sophisticated or faster or richer than I am, or whatever.

The asymmetrical tactical disadvantage that I have, not coming from that fin tech background, but having a bit of luck, it would have been hard for a lot of people to have anything but luck during certain stages of these bubble cycles.

But there are some people who are fair weather traders, fair weather speculators, and they walk away after they get burned.

There's people like me who go, I wanna know the difference between a limit order, a market order, a stop loss.

I finally discovered the concept of a trailing stop loss, which doesn't seem to be an option on a lot of the crypto trading platforms, but does seem to be a standard option for advanced trading.

I should have known about the trailing stop loss. I'm not gonna beat myself up for the rest of my life, but I didn't know what that was, and therefore live by it, because I would be living a lot better than I am now.

If I was aware of that, but, but at least I am aware of it now.

Because I don't let myself get killed by big trades and I try to keep trades small, and I'm in it for the long term, I've been trading around a core position leaving a minimum majority percentage of value at risk untouched, and just adapting my lifestyle to my self established virtual trust fund, of these smaller trades, if you will.

I pushed myself to limits that I did not think were possible. I'm actually building muscle and building stamina. This environment is wearing on me, and my age is wearing on me.

But I'm embracing this, putting myself through more nutrient density, growing food and smaller portions and whatnot.

Being mindful about my hydration and my electrolytes and everything.

I'm not trying to be a hodling corpse but I'm also not trying to spend the little nest egg that I have all at once and go party every night and get covid five times, and do a lot of fine dining and entertaining and romancing and be a Playboy.

I'm trying to do the opposite, just hopefully get smarter and a little wiser and figure out how to maintain my survival at a baseline, just try to be very careful about how far I push that baseline.

I said to myself in my crypto journal. I had my big shift over the last couple days, as a lot of black swan regulatory news has come in the last few days and weeks, but acutely over the last couple days, saying to myself, you know what.

If I make a slightly bigger trade and square myself away financially, so that barring a catastrophe of logistics or a vehicular or medical catastrophe, I'm basically squared away financially.

I sold and I took out profits. I took out paper gains and realized them so that I have essentially about two years worth of overhead paid for at the level that I'm at.

I think everything's gotta go right in terms of my health and my hydration and my food supply.

I will be able to absurdly spoil whatever I'm taking care of. That's my ecosystem, my plantings, to where I'm not gonna be concerned that they're struggling in the heat.

But it only takes a couple of hours and strong winds for totally flourishing, happy, healthy, smiling, green, hydrated plants to be killed within a couple of hours of a higher temperature in a higher wind there wouldn't have been much I could do about that.

I've been forced to actually scale down to the pure Chinampa modality of really only growing things so that they're being fully sub irrigated, and that they’re islands within ponds.

I've done that at bigger scales, which I've talked about before.

I've done that at micro scales. Right now, it's not at the smallest scale that I've done it, but it is on the on the lower, the smaller end.

But the idea is, as long as the potted plants are, or container plants are, are partially submerged so that there's a gradient of moisture getting up to the roots at all times, they can grow their roots as deep into that bog as they want to, and they find the sweet spot of that gradient.

My only job is to keep the water level of a pond, whether it's in a tank or in the ground, but that body of water that I have to maintain the water level of so long as I maintain that water level within a range...

Which is far more intuitive and far more measurable and far more dummy proof than oh does the plant look happy in that bed or in that container that's essentially dry that I have to add water to, and it doesn't really have a wicking bed or sub irrigation.

I'm not trying to have an irrigation system where I'm just pulsing water into it routinely.

I've had the best results and the best buffering of these extreme temperatures throughout years of implementing this, since I learned about them over ten years ago.

The most ethical thing for me personally, whenever and however possible, is to do this island gardening motif. That way, it's never a question of did they have all the water that they could ever want at all times?

Because it's always all there, because they are living in that edge.

They are designing for themselves where they wanna be on an that edge.

It's been studied, sub irrigation as a horticultural technique is what yields the most productive human engineered environments to be ever designed, the density of nutrient, the density of growth, the elegance of the ecology, the economy of the ecology.

That's the way to do it. I have been kind of compressed back to that, and I'm okay with that.

I'm actually feeling good about that.

Those trees that died, they died in the name of reminding me that what I should be doing out here...I just need to budget the water to do that.

Knowing that this is the trade off, talking about trading, this is the trade off.

More water will evaporate and therefore be lost. But don't be stingy about it because the trade for that loss of water to evaporation is the guarantee that those partially submerged and optimally, around the clock, hydrated, plants are able to respond dynamically to the shifting patterns of desiccation from the winds and shade and the sun angle and the heat.

Any of those things that I may not be perfectly adjusting as a gardener of dry land crops.

All of that gets buffered in a positive way for the plants by them being partially submerged in water and to a degree that they're comfortable with.

That's when you see them maintaining that posture and that moisture level and that resilience and that robusticity at the highest temperatures and through the greatest storms and most desiccating winds.

I just said to myself, man, you know what's killing my better knowledge of that. It's this being jerked around by crypto and being like, no, I'm not gonna, take anything off the table.

Because the next roll could be the big one.

I'm just feeling myself leaning into that mentality and getting sick of it.

So I said to myself, I need to stop it.

I need to quit that, get out of that mentality and square away funds.

As long as I prevent myself from touching one half of my stack of crypto assets, and one half of it is walled off and vaulted away so it's not just my willpower, but it's like hiding your cigarettes from yourself, or hiding the vodka or whatever it is, hiding the keys so you don't go out and gamble hiding the pocketbook, whatever it is, the equivalent of that.

And I have say to myself, you know what? I've been in this trade.

I've been in this trade for over five years now, I have been faithful to the community, and I have been loyal to it, and I have not been dumping on dumber, greater fools.

I've been pacing myself. I have been the tortoise versus the hare, and I've done well with that.

I haven't always been flashy and fancy, but it has been the right thing to do for me.

Then comes along these regulatory black swan events, and as righteous as the tortoise is, now it gets stomped on and crushed and bullied.

Now all participants be persecuted because of the few cheating malicious, bad faith, bad actor, black hats ruined it for everybody and made it so they just decided to shut the whole game down.

So even the well meaning, non corrupt, non criminals, they were the first to go.

I've got to say, for my own sanity, for my own health, and for the health of my ecosystem that I'm responsible for, I just don't even wanna think about it for a while.

Half of me with the strong hands is basically going into cryogenic sleep.

And I'm burying it, and I don't wanna think about it.

I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna barely know about it.





I always feel that sigh of relief when I take a little bit of a bigger chunk off the table and go, man, I was really out on a limb.

Ending up way off the edge of that cliff. And then you look down and you realize how far out you've gone.

That's how I feel right now. It feels good to say to myself, as long as I don't mess up my health I will get by.

I’m fatigued with this highly nerve racking, sleep disrupting industry.

I can't talk about this anymore, because it's not living up to its promises. Unfortunately, it's not outpacing the bad actors.

And the regulators are kicking us while we're down.

I can't say it, we didn't see it coming. I have to appreciate, as a tactician, that this is the best time for them to do it, and I'm gonna make the best of it. So this is what I've done, and this is my big shift, as I say to myself, okay, I'm unplugging from the charts. I'm unplugging from the apps. I'm unplugging from all the shows and everything.

I'm gonna try to pretend like it just doesn't exist, so that if it goes down anymore, it doesn't affect me, because I will have forgotten about it.

If it goes up and it proves out and over time, I’ll come back to it, standing on my own feet.

I was able to moderate and mitigate my personal journey, my personal crusade of justice, and be able to just say, you know what?

If I can pay myself hush money, I don't need to go after hush money.

I will just hush that up and take that hush money and build something so that I never have to look back.

That's what I'm doing now. That's where I am.

I'm here trying to put things behind me and move on and live to fight another day, and try to enjoy what's left of the life that I have.

Do so in a way that is not so vigorously rocking the boat. I will rock the boat cause that's my nature I'm a rebel at heart but I'm gonna try to rock it by maybe dancing and not so much by trying to be a crusader or messiah.

Just let all that stuff fade with the fading of my thirties, and then now, as I am arcing into my forties, just not sell out, but mellow out because I have to in order to be healthy, and it's better for anybody who knows me, and it's just better in general.

So I will be posting videos of coyotes and spiders and lizards and desert wild flowers and sunsets and things of that nature.



I'm gonna live humbly and live simply so that others may simply live. If I really treat my remaining stash of crypto like it's untouchable, that means that all the pressure and is on me to try make something out of this.

The core of this project is about me never leaving here.

The mission now is to just never leave. So it's not threatening anyone or raising eyebrows with the three letter agencies.

Living on my land, greening the desert, doing permaculture, desert forest gardening for now, by myself, eventually, maybe with a few friends adjacent as equal peers, living separately, with their own relationship with the state. Being able to share the abundance of public land, this ocean of public land, all we need to do is capture rainwater. And we will have lakes within this ocean of desert public land.

We will be free from all of the toxins, all of the frequencies, all of the zombies, all of the diseases, all of the motorized traffic, of things that can fall on us and smash into us, and then we can smash into other people, you know.

So all of that urbanized madness, bless everyone still engaged in it. I got out. I don't wanna go back. I wanna be surrounded by like-minded folks who wanna live by the same principles of moving towards zero waste, moving towards recycling all nutrients, moving towards water, independence, food, independence, energy, independence.

A hundred percent one day at a time. One fraction of a percent at a time.

That's what I'm doing, where I'm at, and I don't wanna leave.

If I lock up the rest of my crypto and don't let it be a crutch that I means I need to generate fresh income.

So I've got to create value somehow from here.

I gotta figure out how to create real value.

I'm gonna try to do the right thing and be a good person.

Eventually, if I just do that, no matter what happens with crypto, if it goes down, I will be a better person.

If it goes up, I will be a better person to meet that opportunity.